Monday, August 23, 2010

moses and changing leaves.

permission to ramble?

THANKS.

it's been a while. so long in fact, that i forgot my username and password to even use this booger...AHEM...blogger. it's not that i haven't been writing or thinking. contrary to popular opinion, i been doing BOTH! (insert wink here). i'm actually writing a book. only not really. but really, there's been a lot going on. for instance, i just got off the phone with my little sister and she apparently lives in texas now. bonkers. and i just filled my car up with a couple footballs and baseball equipment. oh, and a hoodie. why? because catch at the park is what FALL is all about. and sometimes it gets cold. that's why. this time of year is crazy, but it's also my favorite. really, the only problem i have with fall is that life adds a little bit of a routine. i struggle here. tis' true. routines and i fight. i want different. spontaneous. my heart doesn't yearn for a routine. or a schedule. i'm not knocking a schedule or organization here. i'm simply speaking out about how if i let it, the routine can weaken my heart. i don't want my walk or my life to feel "routine." let me correct myself...my walk and my life are the SAME THING. same thought bubble. my walk is my ENTIRE life. there. i said it. now, i've realized lately that God feels the same about my routine. hear me out. i'm not saying that God doesn't want us to be consistent in our relationship with Him. He WANTS consistency out of you. out of me. oh, does He ever want that. i'm not talking about consistency, i'm simply speaking on the fact that i have the tendency to get complacent in my routine and when i study Scripture i find nothing complacent in the way God looks at me. i want to somehow learn to love Him the way He loves me. think about it.

here's what i mean...i want to love God with my all. but with the crazyness of fall, i always remember my past struggles to keep it fresh. i always get "too busy" for Him. even saying that becomes routine for me. i hate that. what a cop out. the truth is, without Him, i'm NOTHING. i have nothing. i don't want the same struggle this time around. i want to believe and not doubt. to trust He's there, even when it FEELS like He might a skipped town for a bit. truth is, He never left me. or them. all this stems from Exodus. it's kicking my tail. platt says the most important time with God is the time that no-one else sees. BINGO. he's right. the most important moments are when it's just me and Him. this will always be my favorite time. don't get me wrong, i love preaching. speaking God's truth to people is truly something i don't deserve to do. and i love sitting with kiddos and breathing the Gospel into them...i do. but my favorite is when it's just me and Him. and i can honestly say, i don't think that's selfish. i actually think it's biblical. i'm in awe of the God who moves in Exodus. the events spoken there talk of a King i (we) don't deserve. it's a God who defies routine and invites adventure.

it's a love that shouldn't be ours, but through the Son, is.

for whatever reason, i started in Exodus 13. i've been going from there. trying to make my way through it. stopping. thinking. writing. i keep getting frustrated with Israel. i think i actually called them "a bunch a dummies" out loud in my house. real mature garrett...i know. i keep wanting to give moses a "good game" and tell him to hang in there. i'm serious. i keep wanting to tell Him it's worth it. just hang in there.

then, in the way that only Holy Spirit can, He reminds me that I look like Israel.

i hear God speak clearly, and then three days later i forget what He said. i even begin to wonder if He's even there. i'm just like them. He's not a jerk about it, don't get me wrong. He's actually kind about it. funny thing is, i actually LOVE Him more for calling me out. it's His kindness that leads me to repentance (i have so much to learn). it's crazy to me that most times, i want to put myself in moses' shoes, when my feet rightly belong with the masses of struggling Israelites. in 13, they cross the Red Sea. they even make a keepsake so that they remember what the Lord did in their midst. THEY SAW IT HAPPEN. they actually saw the manifestation of God in a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. and when evil was after them, God planted Himself firmly between His people and the enemy. He did that for them. and does that for you. every. single. day. moses and miriam even co-wrote a tune about it. and three days later, Israel forgot God. seriously. 72 hours later, they forgot the character of their Creator. forgot His ways. forgot His love. i do this. they complained. they failed to believe the God who had just parted the waters could provide for their daily food. i look just like this. and what did God do? gave them bread. Scripture says it actually showered down on them. He provided. again and again. literally, showering blessings upon them...upon us. i wonder how many times He's done that for me, and i never even noticed. gotta wake up. every good and perfect thing is from Him.

i'm almost done. promise.

last thing. what i love about moses is this. the tent of meeting. stop reading this and read this.
moses had to have the time that no-one else sees. it was his favorite. the only way He could make it through was the strength he gained from these meetings with his Father. "the Lord would speak to moses face to face, as a man speaks with His friend." he DOES speak. he DOES move. he DOESN'T leave. my hope is that the madness of a scheduled fall will not overwhelm. my prayer is that i remember what He's already done and trust Him with the future. and when evil may try and derail my path, to remember that He places Himself between me and the evil one. He does that for us. i won't fear simply because i have already talked with Him face to face. there, he calms me. there, He sets the tone for my life. there, He renews my spirit. and after that, there is no room for fear of any sort. just adventure.

g


ps...shorter posts coming. sorry.
ps dos...you just read part of the rough draft of the talk with the HS students on wed. night.

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