for the nations.

"hey, umm...you haven't blogged in a couple days...why?" well, truth is, i was waiting until i had a finished thought so i didn't sound like an idiot. but then i realized that blogging isn't about a finished thought. it's the process of becoming. and so here's me thinking out loud. an ever-growing thought. the possibilities of looking like an idiot here are great, but "i'll give it a whirl" (a la kevin mcalister). here we go. so, the more and more i read Scripture and really study it, the more and more i see that jesus' heart is for the nations. sounds simple, right? heard it a thousand times, right? but to me this is revolutionary. just follow me on this one...His heart isn't just for lubbock. or nashville. or any other place that i'm really okay with him loving (or me being). His heart is for more than your town or country, too. His heart is bigger than my preferences, my culture and my selfish level of comfort. the hard thing is that i've come to realize that my preferences are incredibly shallow and childishly immature. i probably shouldn't be saying this out loud, but i thought it might cause community and your heart might possibly be somewhere near me on this. the truth is, if i love my towns and those alone, then i'm loving less than 1% of God's heart. and i want to love Him completely. i have learned that His heart is for the nations. ALL of them. it's not that i didn't know that before, but for some reason it means so much more now. to me, it matters more now. they matter more now. why now? i don't know. all i know is that He using lots of different things to awaken my heart to the beat of His. and His is for all nations. and thus, my heart is to be as well. and i want that. i want to love God's heart completely. it's what you and i were made for. my frame of thinking and loving is changing. and while it's difficult to decompress, (especially in a blog post), it's the most beautiful thing i can think of.

now, let me say that i do LOVE the nations and have loved the nations. i mean, i might just be a full-time overseas guy at some point. i don't know. whatever the Lord wills. thus far, i've been blessed to take His name to different countries all over the world. but now, i'm really wrestling with the way i live for the nations while i'm in lubbock. is that possible? and if so, what does that look like? i'm wrestling. i think its completely possible. but it's a "radical" shift in living. in spending. in saving. and in giving. "God doesn't bless us so that we can just get more and more stuff...He blesses us so that we can give more." it means a lot of things. i'm learning. i just know that it means i'm challenged to find the heart of God. i thought i knew what it meant, but i've come to learn it's more than i wanted to confine it to. i hate it when i do that. my brain likes to keep Him small. He's not. one way of loving God's full heart is educating my kiddos on the plight and daily life of believers all around the world. speaking of brothers and sisters in other towns and in other cultures. telling my kiddos how much He loves them. many of them meet in secrecy. many travel mile upon mile on foot to simply get to worship with their friends. no fancy lights. no sound system. no tvs. all they have is the Word and that is enough. david platt talks about this in radical. i stopped at that point and put the book down. would i be joyed if all i had was Him? would you? i want Him to be enough, but most times my life looks as if He's not. but HE is.

He is.

and tonight, with our HS and MS kiddos, we're having worship like so many of our brothers and sisters do around the world. without electricity. without the fancy gizmos. the guitars are put away. the speakers and sound boards are off. tonight, it's the Word. the hope is that our kiddos (and I) truly learn to come in expectancy to meet God. to hear Him. and be in awe of His Word. and simply know that He is enough. more than enough.

g

ps. i know this is long. thinking out loud will do that. i think a long blog post = spoonful at lunch tomorrow. we have to, it's brower's last day. boo. and i'll try and update you on how it goes tonight. if you are reading this before 6pm today, please pray that He speaks so clearly to us! and secret song is times off the tenth avenue north record. earphones on and turn it up. believe the words.